| Home Sweet Home. |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|11:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | HOME! | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  refreshed | ] |
Hey everyone,
I'm writing my last journal entry to you all from home. I've been home for a full day now and it's so great to be back with my family and friends and reflect on my amazing trip.
First, to everyone from NY: I miss you guys and look forward to keeping in touch and hearing about your transitions home. Like I've said, please call anytime. I'm so thankful that I got to meet you, spend time getting to know you, and just experience such a great trip with you all...I was truly blessed.
To everyone else here or there, thanks so much for reading these and supporting me. You are what made this trip easy for me, knowing I was so loved and supported. I can't thank you all enough.
New York was amazing. I was shown so much about myself, my life, and just how big God really is and the power of what he can do. It opened my eyes to a whole new world of stuff I'm going to be thinking about this year. I am so thankful that I got to go, and learn all the things God had for me to learn and just experience a new city...a really big city...and serve. While I was there the hours passed so slow, which was great because I got to soak it all in, but now looking back, the trip flew by. It's almost surreal to be back in my living room writing this.
I leave to be a camp counselor at a camp for abused and neglected children on Sunday for a week, so I don't get very much time to recoup and download all these feelings, but this past two days have been great. My sisters and everyone welcomed me at the airport with so much love I wanted to cry, and just getting back into the swing of things has thus far been great. I am really excited to see how God uses this trip to influence others and how he will use me and it to grow here. I'm actually ecstatic to take what I learned in the city and apply it here.
I am so fortunate and so blessed to have this trip. It was such a good experience for me to just leave everything here and go retreat with God and serve and just be rejuvinated with his spirit and joy of life again. I have no idea what my future holds, but I have a new passion for finding out what He has planned for me. I can look back now and see how perfect this trip was, and how wonderfully orchestrated He planned every little detail out for me. The God of the universe still has time for me...crazy.
Today I went and saw Pirates II today with my mom and sisters and it was great. Well worth the wait. I also went to my dads and my grandmas to show my pictures and then stopped by a friends house from church and was able to see some beloved girls I'd been missing. It's so great to be welcomed so warmly back into the city and go right back to what I'm used to. Although I know God has changed me and shown me things that have changed my perspectives, and things will be different, the love of my family and friends has remained constant. I'm so thankful for that.
I've never been more uncertain about a lot of things, as this year has totally been a year of change (and still is!) but I know that I have never been more happy with my faith and the contentness it's beginning to fill my heart with. It's ok that I don't know where I'll be a year from now, and it's know that I don't have a plan for really anything anymore, because this trip more than anything else has proven to me that God does. He's got it together and he's working in my life every single day. Talk about a personal relationship.
I want to take just a few lines and explain just how important my personal relationship with Christ is and has been and will be to me. I am going to spend the rest of this year diving into this relationship, I want to discover the personality of it and make it feel more real. But I know that a lot of people I love don't have this relationship, and some reading this don't have any idea what the heck I'm talking about. Some people don't beleive in God, or that he sent his son to earth in human form to be the world's savior. He was hung on a cross to be the one sacrifice acceptable enough to reconcile us (sinful and unworthy) with God (pure and righteous). We are seperated from God because of our sin (the crap and baggage I talked about in my previous entries) but he wants to be close to us. Through belief in Jesus and his life, we can have that closeness. You, yes you, have sin in your life like every single person on this planet...but the best part is, it's ok. That's why Jesus came. Because he died for our sins, we don't have to live with guilt. By believing in Jesus Christ and asking him to come into your life, it will set you free. Discovering that HE LOVES YOU, he created you and he has a plan for your life is the best thing EVER. When you know that He has everything under control there is so much more peace and with peace comes joy. MY faith has been my everything the past few months. God has shown me that he loves me and he knows exactly what he wants from me and my life here in earth. I'm excited to find those plans out and then spend eternity in heaven rejoicing because of his love for me. No one on earth will ever love you as much your creater and He wants you to know that. If you're looking for something bigger in life, or looking for answers as to while you feel empty sometimes, please look into having a faith. Yes, sometimes it's hard. It's not exactly cool (even though I think it is WAY cool) and it's hard to beleive in something that you can't see. But I'm asking you to trust him. Throw it out there and see what happens. In the Bible it says that if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, anything is possible for you. Do you know how small that is? Small. He knows you inside and out and he wants to become a part of your life, he's willing to give you a mile for every inch you give him.
Guys, I lvoe you all and want to know that I'm going to party in heaven with all of you someday, but in order to do that, you have to know HIM. That doesn't mean you have to be pefect, there would've been no need for Jesus is that was even possible. I screw up big time every single day because I'm humans and that's what we do. Don't let your past or fear of future screw ups prevent you from the best relationship you will ever have and really, the only one that matters. You don't have to go to church to know Jesus. You don't have to go to NYC on a mission trip, or DO anything at all. Christianity is the only faith where you don't have to DO anytihng. It's already been done. Jesus already did the only thing to do, he did it for you. IT's finished.
If you have any questions about Jesus, or faith, don't be afrad to ask. I love talking about it, and I don't do it enough so please, ask me. I most likely won't have any answers, all I know is what He's done in my life. But I'd love to talk about it with you. If you are searching, this is what has worked for me and I know that it can work for anyone. It's not one of those things that has a million bad side effects and makes you wonder if it's even worth it. It's so worth it.
I love you all and thank you so much for being a part of this with me. I'm looking forward to meeting with you guys and attempting to express how great this trip was and how much I was shown and blessed. This is my last entry, I think anyway, so thanks for reading them. It feels so great to know that I have such a great community of support.
Thank you all again, SO MUCH for everything.
God Bless you.
Love always,
Nikki |
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| Done. |
[Jul. 13th, 2006|02:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
Hey Everyone...
I leave for the airport in approximately 4 hours and would like to sleep, shower, and finish packing and cleaning before then. SO I apologize but I'd like to get a head start on that and write my last entry when I'm home! I thank you all so much for supporting me, loving me, praying for me, and reading my entires. I especially thank you for your email and comments of encouragement. You all mean so much to me, words can not express. I will be in Midland around 1pm. Please pray for safe and smooth travel for me, and pray that God sorts all these emotions out in my head that I'm feeling right now. I'll see you all and talk to you all soon.
Thanks again for everything!
Love, Nikki |
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| cleaning/packing |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|03:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Hey everyone,
Today has been crazy. I woke up to clean and start packing, ran out to do some errands have just a couple hours to get ready for our banquet tonight and continue to clean.
Hopefully I'll write tonight after the banquet. It should be a great last night tonight in the city...
I'M SO EXCITED TO COME HOME TOMORROW!!
<3Nikki |
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| It's official...I come home tomorrow |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|01:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
Hey dudes,
TODAY was great. We met this morning at The Space (just a random meeting place) for one last track time together. It was so great. We were able to talk to our director about some issues, whether we liked or disliked them. Then after that they set up prayer stations for us, which sounds stupid, but it was so cool! They had a different theme at each of the 5 stations, we could go to any of them for any amount of time, which was good for me because I only ended up doing 3 or 4. Anyway, they lit candels and played music in the background and it was just a great hour of reflecting back on the trip and looking ahead. I spent most of my time at the Thanksgiving station, just thanking God for everything in the past few months, for this trip, and for what's to come, even though I don't know what that is. I was able to think about everything and really just understand it and appreciate it, which was wierd. I'm so thankful for all the people in my life: my family and friends that support me so much, and all the opportunities I have been blessed with. It was great to just have peace about what's happened and what's going to happen in the future. I'm excited for that. I also went to a station where we prayed for people we know who are not Christians. That was kind of emotional for me because there are so many important people that I know who need to know Christ and I just think about how cool that would be to have a huge community of beleivers who understand me and I can grow with. But I have to leave it in His hands, I've learned on this trip there is nothing I can do except show the power of Christ's love in my life and hope that it sets a good example for others. That's kids of my why I decided to create this journal. Yeah, the main reason was for my supporters so they can know just how much this trip has impacted me, thanks to thier support, financially or prayerfully. But also, I wanted to be able to express who I am and what I am about for the first time without being censored. I don't talk about my faith very much with those who aren't Christians in my life because I'm afraid of being rejected or labeled, but it has come to the point where I don't care. I'm so in love with my faith and my life and all the people in my life. It's my wish that people accept that and still treat me as the same old me, because that's who I am. But this me, the one that has been kind of released on this trip, is going to be less afraid to talk about my faith TO ANYONE. I know there are people who are reading this that have been wierded out by all of the above, and that's ok. I am too. This isn't the stuff I would've written a few months ago even.
There were a couple other stations I went to but those two were the most important to me. After that was finished, I spent the afternoon just walking around the city and enjoying it for one of the last times! I had to buy a new duffle bag because I bought too much stuff here and need to have a bigger carry on, so that's kind of exciting!
Tonight we had a recruitment dinner in our honor. All three tracks were fed awesome Italian food and NY Cheesecake and heard about all the different ministries that Crusade is involved in in the city. There are a ton. Every day I have just felt a part of something huge here. I have felt completely honored to be here and serve these people because the stuff they are doing is HUGE. I can tell you guys more about that later if you're interested, but I'm tired and a BIG last day tomorrow.
I'm going to try to write a lot tomorrow, just warning you, about stuff I've learned and stuff that I plan on doing to make this transition easy and fun, and just wrap things up for you all. Tomorrow we are mostly free to clean and pack up, then the banquet closes things out tomorrow evening.
Love you guys,
SEE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
<3 Nikki |
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| the last debrief |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|08:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
Hey!
I wanted to fill you in on last night's debrief. EMOTIONAL. I told everyone that I didn't come here to make friends, and in fact, I'd would've been totally satisfied leaving the city without one, but God opened me up and put so many great people into my life here. A lot of people shared really hard stuff to share, which I appreciated, because it shows the commintity that we've formed over the last 5 weeks. We also watched a slideshow that Candae created. She was on my ministry team so there are a lot of pictures on their of ours, but it's 20 minutes long and AWESOME. And the best part is we all get one! So I have that to show you guys.
Last night it hit me that I'm coming home the day after tomorrow. I didn't think I was going to get emotional last night because I'm so excited to see my little sisters (yeah, I actually thought that!) but I was slightly wrong. I have truly loved this trip, in fact, I'm going be praying about my return as a student-staff next summer.
Today we are going to have prayer stations where we split up and go pray/journal about different things. I'm excited to go and just be silent and listen to what God has to say about where He's taken me in the future and also to pray for this amazing city and all the people I've met here. Tonight we have a dinner in our honor by CityConnect, some type of division that's involved with Crusade, I think, I don't actually know.
But I need to go get ready! I wish you all a blessed day.
<3 Nikki |
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| Good morning! |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|08:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
Hey everyone!
I thought I'd get on this morning and fill you in on last night's debried meeting. The inner city track gathered at the Lounge, a cool hang out on the Concourse of the Empire. We started off reading this fiction story of this guy who goes back to school in the fall after an inner city summer project and his friends are totally uninterested in his stories, and neither is his Crusade on campus. So it was just about how this guy reacted really terribly to that and we had to answe a bunch of questions about what we would do in his situation, what are are most worried about, etc. Phase 2 was filling out a sheet called, Spring Forward...Don't Fall Back. I'll talk more about that later. The last phase was writing letter to ourselves that will be sent to un in January. That was interesting, and kind of wierd, but I thought it was a good idea. We could write whatever we wanted so I chose to write about some memories and people to remember to pray for, as well as the ministry sites we went to. I also reassured myself of the things I've learned and reminded myself with encouragements of those things to keep me going 6 months from now.
Today, hopefully, I'll be able to finish my shopping. I've got a couple things left to buy so I'm doing that this am. This after noon sometimes we have our last action group meeting :( and then a final debrief. Tonight is the last night that the inner city track will be all together. Crazy.
I need to go get ready for the day, but I'll fill you in on more debrief later. Have a great day, everyone!
<3 Nikki
P.S. Thanks, E, for last night. I feel much better this morning. |
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| New Life, round 2 |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|01:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
Hello everyone,
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY IT IS HERE IN THE CITY! The sun is awesome, the breeze keeps it from being too hot, it's so nice out. After church this morning, I went on the roof to journal for a while. I'll show you pictures, but the roof of out appartment building is a true example of God's glory. Laying anywhere on the roof and just looking SW, you will see the Empire State building shoot up into the sky. It litterally looks so close, you think you can just reach out and touch it. Realistically it's about 3 blocks away, but it's size is just awesome. It's truly amazing to live this close. It puts the power of God into perspective for me. I was thinking, ya know, sometimes I must sound like a freak, and think my faith is a joke. I beleive in this all powerful being that created all the earth and sent his son to die on a cross for my sins 2000 years before I was born, and that because I beleive all this, I'm going to go to heaven and meet God face to face. It just makes me laugh because that's so crazy!!! Seriously, that's nuts.
And then I look at the Empire State building, or the human body. What a masterpiece. Why is hard to beleive that my God created all this, when I can tangibly witness a child being born, the perfect mix of the human genome. And I can see with my own EYES (another masterpeice, too complex to beleive it was created by an evolving life form) the mass of the tallest building in New York and KNOW that it was created by MEN. If men can create that, than my God created everything else. Enough said.
We went to New Life this morning for church. AMAZING. Like last week. Today, Usif lead worship - I cried - again. He's so moving. He's openening for Bethony Dillon later this month and I wouldn't be surprised if I can buy his debut album within the next year or so. Ther sermon was called "baggage". It was about how we hold on to it - all the crap in our lives like our past, mistakes, wounds, etc., we try to hide it, use it to our advantage, feel caged by it and how we let it eat ut alive and let it hold us down. It him home with me because I've been holding on to a lot of stuff for a long time. It's a process to let it go, it's not like I was able this morning to just say, "You're right, God, take it away" and now I feel free. I'd love to do that but I know it's going to be a process. I already feel the lighter burden, but some stuff won't be taken care of until I come home and see what direction my life heads.
I did feel convicted though. I use things that have happened in my life as an excuse for my feelings and my actions. He used a great visual example and put this huge backpack on his back and gave examples. He said we hit people with it, to hurt them; we point out other people baggage to make ours look insignificant, we try to pretend it's not there and it doesn't weigh us down, and I know that I do all of that. I've specifically tried to pretend that stuff doesn't bother me, to pretend I don't carry specific baggage, when really I do. But on the other hand, I've hurt people with my baggage. Yeah, I've been through a lot of stuff this past year, I won't say I haven't, but I've misused it. I've felt bad for myself, blamed myself for it, blamed others for baggage that I've caused myself, all of the above. One theme shined through all of this: It's not necessary.
I have been forgiven. It doesn't matter what my past looks like. I don't need to carry any of that crap because 2000 years ago Christ said, "IT IS FINISHED." I don't have to live with guilt and SHAME. Guilt is maybe a one time thing, a quick feeling. But I've learned that a continual guilt isn't guilt: It's shame, and I don't have to live in shame. There is no shame here, in this place that I'm at because Jesus bared it all. He took on all my shame and wore it for me infront of a crowd as he hung naked on a cross with spikes through his hands and a crown of thorns on his head. That's my crown. That should've been mine. Guilt is not a even a feeling actually, it is a political position: you are either guilty or NOT guilty, there's no in between. A convicted murderer doesn't get a "sort of guilty" sentence or serve a "sort of guilty" prison term. And it is written I have been proven NOT GUILTY. Because of Jesus' love for me I have been set free.
Because of all of this, I need to set others free. I need to let go of my baggage that other people have thrown on to my back. I need to take it off mine, and NOT put it on thiers, but just get rid of it all together. There is a person or two, that I can't figure out how to fully express that too. Sometimes I think that it's because I haven't fully been able to take off the baggge they put on me. But sometimes I feel I have, but I have put it on thier back. And other times, I feel like I have taken it off and thrown it down, conquered it even with the help of Christ, BUT they can't UNDERSTAND what that means because they still hold on to it. Which isn't a good think cuz then more baggage is created for everyone if we can't all step over it together and move past it. It's a process, a tough one, that I rely on God to help me with everyday. But I'm learning to let it go and just pray that other will as well. I fall back everyday too, and the grace I'm given is continually poured out all over me. I'm drenched with the Lord's grace every day and to understand that has been huge for me on this trip.
I have to go to our teams first debrief, then go out to dinner with my ministry team. I think we're going to the ESPN Zone in Times Square!
Hey, I can't wait to come home and share all this with you. I love you all so much and really look forward to Thursday.
<3Nikki
There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear
Chorus: There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace
You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun
(chorus)
And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again
--Matthew West |
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| i still love saturdays... |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|07:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
Hey everyone,
Yesterday was yet another great Saturday. It started out at a bagel shop for breakfast. I spent the afternoon souvenier shopping, always a good time in a city with 80 bajillion souvenier shops with the same stuff at all different prices! Like everything else in this city, it can be overwhelming. To add to that, there is a street fair this weekend 2 blacks down from us, running for 10 blocks. One of the cool things about NY is every weekend somehwhere there is a street fair: a bunch of vendors basically. This weekend just happens to be right next to us, so we checked that out. Then we headed down to Chinatown and Little Italy for hopefully the last time, I will not miss the craziness of those places. We ate lunch in Little Italy, for the 3rd time, and once again was not dissapointed by the menu. I'm so sick of going out to eat though, I miss "real" food! After that we headed to the arts track art exhibit. That's what they've been working on for the whole project, an instillation of all different types of media and art pieces. Our entire inner city track went over there and I was impressed. I'm not an art person by any means...my mind just doesn't do it. I know I underappreciated it but the talent was incredible to witness. I didn't, for the most part, understand the pieces and in truth, just thought some of them were wierd, but thier talent was amazing and creativity, off the charts. We stayed there for just over an hour then headed to the inner city director's appartment for dinner. We picked up some take out and all 20 of us somehow managed to eat and hang out quite comfortably all night. He lives on top of his building and has roof access so we sat on the roof in the middle of the city. It's only 5 stories high but the building all around it are huge so it was really cool.
Random story: The assistant director, one of the coolest women I've ever met, was talking to me last night. She asks me, "Hey, have you ever heard of North-something University?" And I said, "Northwood?" She got all excited and was like, "YEAH!" I told her that it's in my city and she freaked out. Her brother just took a defensive coaching position there and is now living in Midland! It's truly a small world.
After we got back from Chris and Kayle's I just relaxed. I meant to get some journaling done, but I finally was able to get a hold of ERIN RAYMOND!!! We ended up talking for way too long :) and I got nothing done, but it was great!
Today we're going to church at New Life! Usif, the guy who lead us in worship on Friday is going to lead worship for the congregation today so I'm really looking forward to that. After church we get to relax until 3, when we have our first debrief meeting! I can't believe the project is really winding down.
Praise God my family got home safe from vacation last night! I need to finish getting ready for church, but I miss you all and can't wait to be home in just a few days!
<3 Nikki
Have a great Sunday, everyone! |
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| The last weekend is about to start |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | optimistic | ] |
What a day.
I'll start out by saying that today was truly a gift. We headed out to New Life for our last morning of ministry and finished up our projects from earlier in the week. That took about an hour. We were introduced to a worship leader at the church that was going to spend the rest of the morning with us. He told us he's been praying all week about what we'd do on our last morning and he'd come up with nothing! SO - his gift is worshiping (AMAZING VOICE!) so he said that we'd done enough service during our time in the city and the rest of the day would be spend resting. SCORE. I needed that so badly. One thing we don't get a lot of time for is good worship so we sang and listened to him play for about an hour in the studio. SO great. After that we just talked a lot about our trip, the team, and our experiences. We shared stories and were totally able to relate to one another and yeah, I can't explain in on a computer how good it was and how much I needed it. Too much to explain about what and why, so I'll just leave it at that.
He even treated us to lunch afterwards. There we got into a whole other conversation - about relationships - which was very good as well. Usef, this guy, decided that he'd not date without the intent of marriage and so when he met the woman that is now his wife, he told her once he got to know her in a social setting...he actually called and said something like, "I've been praying and I feel God telling me that you are the one, and so if you want us to be together, you have to know that we're going to get married." He totally wasn't kidding. And they are married now! But the whole conversation made me think seriously about my intentions for the future and my desires. Plus, I love conversations about that kind of stuff anyway. I love love stories. Enough about that though...
Anyway, quiet time this afternoon was good. I've started to debrief in my journal and wow, I have a lot of writing to do. It's so wierd that I can now start thinking about coming home and making that transition. It's like I've put this off and now I have to pick it up and actually start trying to prepare myself for whatever is to come once I leave what I have known for 5 weeks. I love so many people here and will defiitely miss a lot of girls that have helped me a lot without even knowing it. I didn't open up very much on this trip, but I was able to be completely ME. It was very freeing and a lot of fun to not worry about what people think about me, or judgements because of my past or any of that fun stuff I love to deal with.
Tonight we were going to go to Love Gospel's worship service tonight, but we ran out of time in the day and were going to be rushed and late so we decided just to relax tonight. The girls on my team and I went out for pizza and dessert (I can't wait for real food...I'm sick of going out ALL the time!) Then we went down to the Village, where NYU is. Very intersting area. We walked around and then just came back here. I need to rest up for this crazy weekend. They have so much planned for us in the next 5 days. I'm excited for them and I'm excited for them to be over which is a very wierd combination. I think it's a good spot to be right now though.
Thanks for reading up on me! I'll be home to share soon.
(my 700+ pictures) :) Yes, that's right, 700+
<3Nikki |
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| Good morning! |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|07:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
Good morning, everyone!
I thought I'd write really quick before heading out to my last day of ministry! I can't beleive this day is here. It seems like just last week I was packing to leave for NYC and soon I'm going to be packing to head home. This trip has been incredible! I know I haven't learned everything I was meant to learn sitting here right now, but when I look back on it more things will hit me. I feel energized by my faith right now, which is definitely good as I transition home. I'm excited to share with people my experiences and my stories, and my prayer for myself is that I do it with the emphasis on how much I've grown and my relationship with Christ.
Last night our track had dinner and a meeting: we talked about different cultures and racism. I actually walked away with a fresh perspective on things. I could sit and talk about stuff like that for hours so I loved it.
I want these last few hours of ministry to just be so alive. Even though it's early and I'm not quite awake yet, I just want to be filled today. I'm actually really excited. We only have a half day today because the afternoon is one-on-one's and quiet time. I'm really excited to start my reflection process today. I said I wouldn't do that until the last quiet time, and now, that's today! I'm looking forward to journaling about the specific things I've learned and the impact this trip has had on me.
As you can probably tell, I'm not awake yet, so I need to hurry up and get ready then head down to a street vendor for the best breakfast in town. I miss you all like crazy and am really excited to see you all.
I'll write more later!
<3 Nikki |
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| A much better day |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|05:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
Hey guys,
Today was much better than yesterday in all areas. The weather was perfect and we all were more energized. We finished up our huuuuuge treasure box and painted it all...I'm so impressed! It looked so good and everyone loved it. After that we grabbed lunch and headed up to another park. This time we face painted for 2 hours and it was so fun! Face painting is really hard, especially because kids don't sit still. But I'm officially a professional lion, flower, and butterfly painter. HA - God moved through me to make some pretty sweet designs. No actually, I think I probably cracked him up today mine were so awful. BUT the kids loved it and we had a great time. We now have track dinner on the roof! And training. Tomorrow (the last day of ministry!) we head back to New Life for the morning then have quiet time in the afternoon.
OK so a lot of people are going to see Pirates of the Caribbean tonight at midnight. And I'm not. And more people are going Friday night, and I'm not. I'm kinda bummed about it but I'm going to wait and take my little girls to it when I get home. A hot date with those three will be way better than spending $12 to see it in NYC, even if I miss the opening weekend. :)
It's wierd to think that next thursday I'm going to sleep in my bed. We are officially in our last days...Random but, I rode in a car for the first time in 5 weeks yesterday. (Jen: I miss driving so I'm definitely driving to camp!)
I heard yesterday that NYC was voted the most polite city...UMMM I don't know who did that study but it was probaby NYU because I can not beleive that. Just this morning, my teammate and I were walking down the street in front of our appartments and this woman (in a hurry of course!) ran RIGHT into her, spilled her coffee all over the both of them and walked way screaming, "thanks a lot." I was so mad. I only met these girls 5 weeks ago, but the bonds between us are awesome. I wanted to go (in the best Christian way) punch her in the face but I witheld. :) Now granted, that probably would've happened in many cities, but I just had to laugh. That's only a small example of the rudeness I've seen this city express. I will not miss that.
Well, I need to go prep myself for a sweet dinner on the roof but I might get a chance to right again tonight. Today's was kind of random, just to kill some time. Miss you guys!
<3Nikki |
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| 1 and a half days of ministry left. |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|10:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Hey All.
Today was ehhhh....I was tired all day and not really feeling that great. I wasn't sick just tired and weak. My body is physically weak. This morning we headed to New Life for the first day of ministry with them. It was raining, which totally ruined the plan for the day. Instead of doing an outreach in a park to get kids to come to thier VBS next week, we made a huge treasure box out of cardboard and organized a closet for them. After lunch it had cleared up so we loaded up some games, balloons, and prizes and headed to a nearby park, as planned. We only had a couple hours, but it was fun. This area is known as the most diverse zip code in the U.S. It's such a great experience just looking around and seeing people of every color, race, and ethnicity. It's crazy~ and so different from Midland, Michigan. The kids were fun, but a lot of them didn't speak English, which made things more difficult. Tomorrow we are headed back to the park with hopes that it will be a nice day which will bring more kids. I think the plan right now is to do the same thing Friday morning.
The pastor that has hung out with his is very cool. I haven't met the author of my book yet, but hopefully I'll get a chance to do that. OH RANDOM FACT: Scenes from "A Beautiful Mind" were filmed in the basement of New Life Fellowship! I'm going to have to watch the movie when I get home to see if I can find them.
We got our weekend and next week's schedule tonight at the meeting. It's going to fly by. Which I am glad for, I won't lie. I'm ready to be home, in my house with my family, and close to my friends who know me the best.
One week from tomorrow...
Good night all - you'd never guess, we have another EARLY AM tomorrow!!!
<3 Nikki |
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| asdfhjkl |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|05:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
If I could take all my friends here home with me for a few days, I would get on a pland right now.
I'm ready to come home. |
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| what a holiday... |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|11:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
Hey everyone,
I'm so tired. Today was long. It was fun, but it was long.
After our meeting this morning we headed up to Central Park. We partnered off and each were sent to a section of the park. Ben and I headed to the Sheep's Meadow to talk to some people, asking them if they were intersted in taking a survey that the campus track here uses.
So we went up to the first person we saw; a woman laying a big blanket and she glady accepted our offer. Two and a half hours later we had to leave or we'd miss our group heading out to Queens. But we talked about EVERYTHING: our faith, her faith, drinking, sex, abortion, capital punishment, assisted suicide, health care, 9/11, pres. bush, politics, war, birth control, other religions, God and heaven and hell...basicaly everything. I had such a great time. I love talking to people who know a lot about what they are talking about and that are passionate about it, whatever IT is. This woman was highly educated and was so much fun to talk to. We had a lot of opposite views, but we weren't there to disagree, we just talked. She was so open to our views, and we were open to hers, which kept conversation going. I love having intellectual conversations more than anything almost and this was a great one.
This week we've talked a lot about letting God do the work at meetings and at action group, and this was one of the first conversations I've ever walked away from thinking nothing I said or did was going to lead this woman to salvation. That was left entirely up to God after we walked away. It was so great to be able to do that. So often I walk away thinking I should have said this or done that...but it's not about me. We planted the seen and it's up to God whether it grows or not. I was truly thankful for her (Tara) today though, she made our job fun and easy by her willingness to share. I will definitely remember those 2 and a half hours for a long time.
After we left the park we went to a Pier in Queens. The area was actually called Long Island City, but it was in Queens. We reserved our spot (staff had been there since noon!!!) from 3:30 on right at the end of the one of the piers. The view was great. It was right on the East River looking out across the Manhattan skyline. They brough us KFC for dinner (which was awesome!) and we just all hung out and relaxed until the fireworks. They started around 9:30 and at first I was blown away by them. They were being set off from 3 barges on the East River, all coodinated at the same time. They were huge, and new and there were a ton! I took a lot of video clips of them on my camera so you may see what I mean if you want, but I thought they were so great. Then the end came. Don't get your hopes up because there was NO FINALE! The end just came without warning. The last display was just like all the others, nothing special. We all thought they were pausing to let the smoke clear...nope. SO NOT IMPRESSED. Midland's and Bay City's are way better simply because of the Grand Finale. I had a lot of fun today, and they were great fireworks with the city in the background right on the water...but waiting 6 hours for them was SO not worth it. We all expected them to be the best we'd ever seen and were slightly dissapointed. OH WELL. At least I was able to experience Independence Day in NYC (which is also Emancipation Day: The slaves were emancipated in New York State on this day as well).
One more thing: Praise God for the weather today. I checked the forecase this am and was worried because it was supposed to storm from 10am until noon tomorrow and it sprinkled for maybe 15 minutes today on the pier before dinner. Very cool.
I hope you all had a fun and relaxing holiday. Tomorrow my ministry team is headed back to New Life Fellowship, where we went to church on Sunday. I think the plan is to do an outreach in a park for kids somewhere over there but we'll see where God takes us.
Goodnight all.
<3 Nikki |
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| Independence Day |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|08:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thankful | ] |
HAPPY 4th OF JULY EVERYONE!!
I hope you all have a fun, relaxing holiday, complete with awesome fireworks and food. I'll be thinking of you all on my first 4th without my family. After this week is over, I'll be very much ready to come. I miss you all so much, and have a GREAT day.
I was thinking when I woke up what a blessing it is to live in this free coutry. In other countries, this opportunity would not have been possible for me. It's the little things that I take for granted (like having an online journal that's not regulated) that I can look at and truly thank God that I am where I am.
Pray for our soldiers today, fighting for what is not free. My step dad shared with this me, and it's one of those facts you will never see on the news. In the months of January, February, and March, more people were murdered on the streets of Detroit, than the number of American soldiers who lost thier lives in Iraq. Whether you agree with them being there or not, respect them for what they day and pray for their safe return when it's time.
I'm going to go get ready for the day!
God Bless you all~
Love,
Nikki |
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| Today, tomorrow, & my surprise! |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|04:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
Hey guys!
Today, my heart got stolen by a boy. His name is Steffon and he's 13 and I love him. I'm so bummed that I won't be back to see him. Today we went to Redhook, a neighborhood in Brooklyn to do VBS. Because we weren't going to work with kids this week and our director really wanted us to have a chance, we got to team up with another one of our teams to do VBS with them today. It went well. It was supposed to start at 11, but no one showed up until about 2:30 but we got to plan everything and just hang out. We actually only ended up having maybe 8 or 10 total...we were just happy they showed up. I spent the day with my man; he wants to be a sportscaster and I swear he knows everyone, every team, every sport. No one else on our team of all girls was able to talk sports with him so we went back and forth, picking on each other ALL day. It was so much fun. He didn't call me by name, instead I was "DEEETROIT BASKETBALL" He made fun of my Spartans, but I was just thrilled to talk to someone about sports, especially this amazing handicapped little boy. I'll miss him. When he found out I wasn't going back to Redhook he said that he was going to make a sign and protest. SO touching.
Tomorrow, HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY! We get to sleep in and don't have to meet until 10am! HALLELUIA! We're going to a training then we are headed up to Central Park for a couple hours just to share with people...Inner City track hasn't gotten a chance to do any of that yet so I'm excited. After that we're going to Queens for a KFC cookout and just hanging out all evening as a whole project. We're going to be right on the water I think and will be watching supposidely the "best display of fireworks we've ever seen". Actually, our director said from where we will be we will get to see multiple sets; each burrough has their own set, plus Macy's on top of that so...I can't wait!
OK so I don't remember how much I talked about the mis-communication about working with kids this week. Well, as of 10 minutes ago, there was another one! We get to be with kids at New Life on Wednesday and Friday morning! Just when I had accepted that not working with kids was going to be ok, God surprises me with the opportunity. Too cool.
This week is going to fly...Monday is already over and with the holiday, wow, I'm going to be home before I know it. I'm so excited to go through this last week and start thinking about coming home. I miss you guys!!!!!!!
Have a great 4th tomorrow...Last year today I got in a car accident. Actually it was pretty close to right now. To the person who was with me: Don't make it a habit of crashing on the 3rd, even on a motorcycle.
HAVE A GREAT NIGHT AND A GREAT DAY TOMORROW! Until then...
<3 Nikki |
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| Halleluia! |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|12:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | refreshed | ] |
First things first: Happy Birthday, Renee! I'm sorry I can't be with you today but I'm sending lots of prayers and wishes for a blessed day and another great year for you and our friendship. Thanks for everything! Love you!
THIS MORNING WAS AWESOME. We went to church at the church we're going to be working for this week (New Life Fellowship) in Queens and it rocked. One thing I'll definitely be reccomending for next summers project is more worshiping through praise and music becasue the only time we have for it is Wednesday nights as a whole project...I miss singing so much! But this morning at New Life, they worshiped E Free style for a half hour and it was awesome. I'll tell you more about this specific church throughout the week but let me tell you I'm so excited to serve there. Anyway, this morning I was mad. I wasn't in the bst of moods and I was being selfish and stupid and had some bad feelings looking back at the last few weeks and Jesus stopped me in my tracks.
Let me explain: We found out this morning that it looks like we may not be working with kids as much as I and we had hoped. Monday they said will be the most kid-full and eery other day there we will be prepping for their Vacation Bible Camp this it not this week, but actually next week. :( So I was sad. No, more like MAD. I wanted to hang out with kids, I wanted to because I love them and I'm good with them and I thought that's where I would best be fit is with kids, and I this and I that...notice a trend? At some point in the service, I stopped and said, holy crap! It's not about me! I mean, yeah, I know that and I have known that, but this morning I think I felt it for one of the most genuine times in my LIFE. I felt God saying to me, "Nikki, this trip is not about what you can do for other people or what you can show other peope about me or yourself, this is about you doing and you going where I want you to and doing what I want you do." I kind of sat that and just said, "HA, oh yeah" I felt so foolish yet so happy at the same time. This peace and understanding just swarmed all over me and I'm thrilled that I was so humbled this morning.
After worship the pastor's wife came up to tell the congregation about great news. The pastor's second book was published and actually released 1 month early and it would be available today after the service. It immediately grabbed my attention. As the pastor and his wife exaplained the book I just knew I was buying it after the service and I can't wait to get into it. It's called "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life with Christ" and I piked it up and read the front and back and...it's what I've needed for the longest time! There's so much more to this story and I can't express my feelings about this mornig but I don't want to bore you so I'll tell you more later in person if you want to know about my Revolution of a morning...but there's a little more to tell.
SO the sermon was on...wierd...Divorce. He's in a series called Building Healthy Relationships or something like that, and today was on divorce and a resurrection through the pain that it causes. Well, I've never been divorced but my parents have and so I was able to relate in that way, but that's not what affected me. In a broader sense, he talked about going through pain and struggles in general, which everyone experiences, but he talked about a NEW LIFE after the pain and to stick with God through the struggle because He's going to get you through it. As some of you may know, this year has been a year of change for me. Nothing in this year was the same as the year before it other than my family supporting me and staying beside me (thank you), but it's also been the biggest year of growth in my life. It's caused the most amount of stress and pain but also released the most about of love and joy. I am so thankful for this year, and everything in it. EVERYTHING. It's taught me how to love, how to forgive, how to be humble, how to be unselfish, and how to grow in my faith with a savior that is the ONLY person that can love me wholly, just as I am, no matter what I do. And that is a concept that I can't grasp fully. A lot of you have seen me change. Some of you have embraced me in that and have fostered an even bigger growth (thank you). Some of you have been totally wierded it out and have not liked it at all (I'm sorry). And unfortunately, some of you have no idea what change I'm talking about and to you, I am most sorry. I'm been afriad of change my whole life and to a big extent, I still am. But I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago, because that girl was not walking with Christ. HE is the reason for this change in me, and I'm sorry if I haven't made that clear to you. You may decide that's wierd and join the second group that I mentioned; and talk about me and my wierdness, and that's ok. Hey, if I wasn't me, I'd think that the change occuring in me is nuts too.
The point is (finally) that this morning I had an experience unlike any before. I've been journaling a lot, like I've said before, but it's all been about my past. THIS IS THE BEST PART: The point that I just finished writing about LAST NIGHT was up to this school year. I hadn't written one sentance about it, I was filling in for myself all the background info I thought I should write down about my childhood, school, and transitions in my life, and my relationships, but last night I stopped. And it was not a coincidence. I thought I was going to come back after church today and begin writing about his year and have to fill 30 more pages with just this year alone and every event that occured that has molded me into who I am sitting here today. But I'm not going to anymore. What I have is enough. As of later this afternoon, I'm starting a NEW chapter in my journal about a NEW LIFE that I want to start today. I'm not going to dwell on the past and I'm not going to dwell on the pain of this past year and all the other stuff, even the good. I know what happened that's affected me in big ways, and I know the peoplpe that have surrounded me with love, that have been my stepping stool and my shoulder to cry on. Nothing else is important. Even this morning I was dweeling on the crap in the last few weeks, just project stuff, and I asked myself, more like God asked me, WHAT IS THAT DOING FOR YOU? Nothing. Nothing, is the answer. God isn't a God of the past, and He's not a God of the future. He's the God of RIGHT NOW. And that's how I want to live my life RIGHT NOW.
If I've hurt you in the past few months, well really the past year, I'm sorry. I deeply am sorry. I've been holding grudges and feelings sorry for myself and playing the "I deserve this and that" game and I see now how foolish I am. It's not about me. On the outside I have displayed my growth, which yes- it's taken place, but on the inside I have been an emotional wreck. This whole project people have asked what the biggest thing God has taught or is teaching me and I said I didn't know yet. Well I know now and it's the coolest thing EVERRRRRRR.
This week I'm sure will be a great learning experience and Im really excited to be a part of this awesome church this week. Even though we won't be doing what I'd hoped, I will be doing what God wants me to do and that's just fine with me. After this week I'm going to prepare to head home and attempt to share this with all of you and attempt to live this revolution our in my daily life and guess what? I'm going to FAIL. Miserably, sometimes, I'm sure of it. But that's ok. I just hope that this time you can see Christ in me, and that's the only thing that matters to me.
SOOOOOOOOO this was long, I know, but I just needed to write it. I'm sure I'll write more later but I'm going to head to Central Park to journal about RIGHT NOW and try to figure some more stuff out. Have a GREAT day, enjoy it.
Love you guys-
<3 Nikki |
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| catching up |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|10:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
Hello everyone,
I'll start with today: which was really fun. We got up early and up to Broadway to get in line for rush tickets to see Chicago. We only had to wait about 45 minutes for the theater to open and our group was the second in line. For $26.25 we got 3rd row tickets...the catch is that they are the ones left over on the ends that they sell for cheap the day of the show just to get rid of them. But they were GREAT seats and for a quarter of the price!!! It was my first Broadway experience so I thought it was pretty cool. The show was ok...I don't think Broadway was really my thing but I heard Chicago is one of the least action-packed shows, but it was a good started. I'm up for finding more to go to now that I have been to one, but I don't think it's going to be something that screams my name. After we got the tickets we had a few hours to kill before showtime so we grabbed some brunch and did some shopping. After the show we went downtown to visit Ground Zero. It was really moving for me actually. It just looks like a big, empty construction site...not kidding. It doesn't look like anything special. My first time in New York, me, my brother and my step dad went to the top (which I am so thankful for.) I know first hand just how huge those buildings were and how amazing it is to see that they have been reduced to simply a big hole in the ground. It was pretty emotional reading about the memorial that will be finished in 2009, which I definitely hope to see. The worst part was reading the timeline of 9/11 and looking at the pictures taken from that day against the background of a big steel fence with the emptiness behind it. They had a couple pictures of real police men and fire men that were running out of the building and helping people to safety...followed by a sentence that read something like "and then he went back into tower 1 before it collapsed, taking his life." It really hit me that what I was looking at was the very last picture of that man or that woman. Very sad.
After that I suggested we eat dinner in Little Italy cuz I love that place even though it's a little pricy. So we went down there and I had spaghetti and about 10 pieces of really good bread! Oh, I was with Jess and Andrea ALL day today, and it was the 3 of us that went to dinner. Andrea missed out on the Chinatown experience last Saturday so Jess and I took her down there and shopped around there for about a half hour. By that time we were exhausted! We'd walked around and had been outside all day and we all had laundry to do so we came back to the Vogue and watched High School Musical (a Disney channel movie that's soooo funny!) and did that.
YESTERDAY...it seems to long ago...we had out last day at Love Gospel and it was very sad to leave. That place is AMAZING. The vision they have for that place in the next 5 years is incredible and I WILL be back to watch that place blow up and spread God's love in the Bronx. It brought all of us to tears just hearing the words from their Deacon and seeing the compassion that ministry has. It was a great week.
Fridays are only half days so at 12:30 we headed to do our one and ones and have quiet times. I journaled for a couple hours and talked to my mentor about some stuff on my mind, but I was tired and it wasn't very productive. Last night was cool though, after dinner. We did a homeless outreach with our dinner groups. Our track made 85 lunches the night before so each person took one and we were sent to a place in the city to hand them out and just talk to the homeless. I had high hopes for the night, and it went well giving out or food, but the 2 men me and my partner gave them too didn't engage us in very much conversation. We talked to both of them for a while, but didn't really get anywhere. The two of them were definitely filling thier emptiness with substances and couldn't really communicate easily. And it rained a little which put a DAMPer on thing...pun intended. :)
Tomorrow we're going to New Life, next week's ministry's church service in Queens. I'm SO excited for next week. We will be working with MY FAVORITE, kids all week and are doing really cool stuff on Tuesday for the 4th so get ready for an awesome week with me!
It's going to be such a great week to end with because it will keep my mind of some stuff I've been putting off about coming home and it will help me cope with the issues I've been struggling with, being totally focused on an area that I LOVE. PLEASE pray that next week ROCKS my world. I want to end this trip with a bang and I feel it coming.
I can't express to you how excited I am to come home. I love everyone I've met here but I can hear Midland calling my name and I'm so pumped to share my stories with you all (note: I think I'm one of maybe 4 people in our group of 83 that doesn't say Y'ALL.)
I'm not quite ready to transition into coming home yet so I hope that I can continue to push that in the back of my mind and focus on one last week of servanthood. I MISS YOU ALL and hopefully will have a lot of cool stuff to tell you about this week.
<3 Nikki |
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| I <3 Saturdays! |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|12:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
Hey guys,
I can't play catch up right now because I have to get ready to go see Chicago on Broadway today! We got rush tickets for the matinee and the show is at 2. After that we're going to Ground Zero and this morning I did some shopping and...yeah, I love Saturdays here. I'll write more later, but didn't get a change to write yesterday so I wanted to say HI real quick.
One last update: My parents are on thier way to New Hampshire! My mom (THANK YOU GOD) felt totally better in 2 days time after a short hospital stay, but I called them this am and they were already in Canada. Thanks for all your prayers.
Miss you, guys
<3 Nikki |
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| 2 weeks from today. |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|09:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Hey guys,
Update: my mom is home from the hospital and seems to be doing better as of 10 minutes ago. Vacation plans are up in the air, so if you would, continue to pray for her healing so they can bust out of town for a week.
Two weeks from day will mark my homecoming. This trip has flown by. I knew it would, but seriously, it's nuts that I am actually transitioning into the homestretch here. Tomorrow is our last day at Love Gospel, it's only a half day actually, because we have quite time from 1 to 5. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow because after dinner groups were handing out bag lunches to homeless people. Our inner city track is heading that up because we're the only ones here that have already had that kind of interaction. No Yanks game on Saturday...shoud've checked the schedule earlier because it just so happens that they play the Mets this weekend and even the bleacher seats are sold out. I did take a really cool picture from the subway of the stadium today though. There's about 1.5 seconds where you can see inside of it and so I had that amount of time to try to take the perfect picture in the exact right spot and somehow I managed. I was quite excited.
This mornig was rough. I got very little sleep last night because of sinus pressure so the alarm going off this morning at 6:15 made me want to jump out of my 12th floor window. But I am feeling better, thank God, and hopefully will get more sleep tonight.
I got to serve the food today at Love Gospel to the people on the tables so that was fun. It was my first time doing that. One woman today called me over to her table, she was definitely a Grandma. I thought she needed something so I asked her what I could do for her and she said just about the nicest thing someone has ever said to me. I was dragging a little and she totally just picked me right up. It was one of those instances that you just walk away thanking God for because you know He set that up just to show you He loves you, and it totally worked. She said, "I just love looking at your face. You are such a joy to watch, God bless you. Thank you for serving me today, I love your smile." I just about cried. Because see, I was struggeling to smile because I was tired, I was grouchy, I was sick, and was frustrated with the team (well one member, actually, but the frustration he creates covers for everyone), and I just didn't feel like I was doing anything but setting food in front of them. It totally changed my day because I knew that what I was doing was important, and even though not all of them even said thank you, I was doing my best to show the love of Christ and one person saw that.
Well I think I'm going to just take it easy for a while then head to bed early, again. I've started thinking a lot about coming home and I'm definitely anticipating it, but just pray that I continue to stay focused for one more week of ministry. After that I'm going to make the full transition into thinking about coming home and what that means and allllll that stuff, which may not seem like a big deal, but walking away from a project like this back into my reality is going to be strange, I think. I've learned so much about myself, my faith, and my life on this trip; and been impacted so much, I've realized I have a lot of stuff to take care of and fix, and change...Yeah, I don't even want to think about it right now cuz it stresses me out! SO I'll leave it at that. I love you guys and miss you. SEE YOU IN 2 WEEKS!
<3 Nikki |
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nikinthecity's journal